en tus pupilas

Taken by Suvir at the Huntington Gardens in 2007.

Home has never been where I hang my hat; it's where the heart is and that place used to be skyscraper lighted LA, but 3 months, a 3-hr time difference and thousands of miles away later, it's now in a blue and white house in Riverside. It's where two crazy, strawberry smoothie making people are. It's with the lemon trees in the backyard, the coral colored bed sheets upstairs, in my Mom's big kisses and my Dad's big laugh.

I know I keep mentioning how much I miss everything, and you get it. You over-get it, but sometimes I still don't. All my life I've wanted to strike out on my own, have new beginnings, but all the years of daydreaming about this never prepared me for these homesick days.

augh

San Pedro with Chris ..

I'm back finally from a long morning. I woke up later than I would've liked and hauled ass to class. Afterward, I had every intention of getting my package. I begged my parents to mail one of my MCAT books (I know, it's ridiculous) and they added some other stuff. So I head downtown with some of the guys who tell me they're doing the same after a little shopping. We get there and before you know it, they're buying alcohol. Then there's wandering involved and someone we end up on a tour of the city. For 2 hrs! It was ridiculous. I finally have to just hop in a cab back. I go to the coffee shop for a cafe au lait and a brownie then walk home in the rain. Showered. My roommate and some people went to lunch but I stayed in to make a sandwich. It's already 2:30pm and I've done nothing all day. It's just going to be one of those Fridays .. how terrible.

we

The Mann in Westwood.

It's weird to break up. It's surreal. You look back and remember when you used to be in love, and it's weird that you're not anymore. Then it becomes weird that you ever were. It's another life, another time. You were different people, and now you might as well be strangers.

I hate phlegm

My feet at Mile Square Park.

So I am still sick. So sick that I've left mid-way through lecture twice now. So sick that I lost my voice yesterday. Uuuugh, and every time I go into coughing fits, I hate my roommate just a little bit. I'm sorry Avneet, I still love you deep down.

I hate phlegm. I HATE phlegm. I hate being sick. I hate coughing uncontrollably. I hate life right now. I just needed to get that out.

On the plus side though, being sick and without a voice really bodes well for studying.

say, say

Grand Anse beach at sunset.

I am writing to you sick and tired. I spent all of my weekend in bed trying to kick this cold that's being passed around, and it was a miserable 3 days.

I last spoke to Chris on Thursday, and in that conversation, he said I think entirely too much, that that's the reason for most of my problems, and while I'd agree with that about the past, I think I've since kicked the habit. I've been more preoccupied with doing lately and just letting life come at me. Plus my schedule is so packed that there's hardly any room to obsess anyway. I'm not altogether sure which one I like better. Everyone keeps talking about how you eventually find your way and your footing with time, that age really does make you wiser, and all I can say is I can't wait. With the big 25 just two months away, I'm ready to be someone better.

runaway

The picture was taken randomly one night while I was relaxing in my room. I put it up because the card is from Chris whom I miss terribly. I haven't taken a whole lot of pictures lately due to my crazy schedule, but I will get around to them soon.

So ... I'm here. The first few days were pretty rough. The stupid Liat airline lost all my luggage and I didn't get them back until 6 days later. I had to rely on other people's altruism, which luckily everyone seemed to have a hefty supply of.

By the way, as I write this, I am on hold with Travelocity, which has really been trying my patience during this past month. No one knows anything. They've just sent me an email saying my return flight has been changed, and somehow I've spent the last half hour on the phone repeating my name 5 times and listening to the guy read me the email that was sent. I know this - I got the email hence the call.

So anyway, I've been meeting great people and am overall having a good time despite the underlying stress. My living situations are funny though; it's like being on the Real World where everyone's chummy for the first 2 weeks before the neuroses and palpable tension emerge.
I miss home though and being away is turning out to be much harder than I expected. It's strange to think that getting away was precisely what I wanted for a while because now I spend my days wondering why. I miss my parents, my bed, my room, my car, my friends. For now I'm trying to focus and enjoy what's in my lap, but life just isn't as sweet when you've left your heart in California.

farewell to the fairground

Santa Monica Pier, 2009.

Hello world. It feels a lot longer than it's actually been since I last wrote here. I leave in less than a week, and still, the reality hasn't quite hit me yet so I didn't know what else to do but write.

I've been reflecting on the year and what a rocky start 2009 was, but in the end, it all worked out. I've decided on some plans, my research finally paid off, I got out of a bad relationship with a good guy, and I've met some wonderful people along the way.

I finally talked to Lina the other night, and she reminded me of how normal it is to freak out when you're young and hitting rock bottom for the first time. It's what you make of your mess that counts. If you know me at all, you know I'm the eternal planner. Everything has a timeline, a set date, but as it turns out, almost nothing has gone according to plan. And yet, I feel things are exactly the way they should be.

do over

Taken at Vinh Ha Long in Viet Nam.

Three thoughts: I had an excellent time with Neal, I am a failure at multi-tasking lately, and I just saw a photoblog that put mine to shame. So I think I will take a hiatus to be a better Phuong.

That is all.

same cloth and all

Taken at Sea World this past April. The image is actually of ... nothing. This is the view looking up through the shark aquarium, and despite all the artificial lights, it looked like a whole 'nother world up there.

I had to settle for this picture since I deferred all of yesterday's photo moments to Ha who has yet to send me any. Congratulations to Tandre and Carmen on finally tying the knot. That was the sweetest and most heart-felt wedding I'd ever been to.

I had a great time until the music came on and the handsome guy who'd been making me blush unabashedly extended his hand and asked for mine. A national survey years ago marked that people would rather be eaten alive by a shark than have to speak publicly. Well, I'd rather speak publicly than dance. As soon as I hear the word, my sympathetic nervous system kicks in. I start to sweat, my heart starts to race, and I'm struck with the uncontrollable urge to run far, far away. It's terrible, and I kept hoping that my 20,000 "No's" would deter him but no, he made it clear he wasn't leaving until we danced so that was that. Sigh. Thanks also to Tandre and Walter who endured my spastic moves on the dance floor. The RHS gang ended the night on the roof where we laughed and said goodbyes for the thousandth time. It was a special moment as we all reached to hug yet again. I guess past all the drama and distances, some ties bind and are forever.

ties that bind

Taken at Ha Noi, Viet Nam.

Today was a good day despite the heat. I came to lab first again but was exhausted and was almost glad to leave early. Erik was leaving around lunchtime and Tiago was going surfing in Mexico. I drove him to Corona to catch a bus then came back to town for Thai food with Drew. I came home after, got comfy and read in bed. Then later I went shopping, and tomorrow, Ha and I are going to Tandre's wedding. It was one of those mellow days filled with good people, and you can't ask for more than that.

mellow yellow

Taken at Sea World this past month. I was going to upload a foggy picture of an old temple, but why not start the month off with something bright? I'm having a blast so far and there is a friend's wedding next weekend. Hope you're all having fun despite the coming heat.

for the past

Taken at Bu Ho in Ha Noi during my trip to Viet Nam. I wanted to write a separate post as homage to today's date, the 30th of April. 34 years ago on this day, the Viet Nam War ended and our country turned red. I know it's a bit odd to upload a photo not only from the North but from the place in the North, but I wanted to make a point that regardless of what the North does from here on out and how pretty the scenery may be, that I remember the past. It's a concept that pervades some other aspects of my life now. We all want to forgive people and it's divine that we do, but in some matters, all actions for atonement are forever useless. Far, far too much has happened.

the complex

Taken at a temple in Da Lat, Viet Nam. I stayed home today because I was feeling sickly, not the flu sickly, just sickly and I didn't want to alarm my labmates. We've been keeping up with the daily updates on the swine flu, and I can't wrap my head around it all sometimes. Nothing like a pandemic to help a recession. As Tandre says, "it's a good time to be alive".

deflated

Taken inside the caves off Long Ha Bay.

Today I had an idea for my second blog. I'm going to scrap the food one because the name didn't feel right and my heart just wasn't in the idea. I'd still love to be a food critic if I could, but I don't really want to spend all the cash just to blog about where I eat. So instead I will review ... books. I read them all the time anyway, I'd like to share my opinions with someone, and this way I can just refer people to a URL each time they ask what I recommend. I like to make suggestions that I know the other person will really like, but that takes some time and it's hard to sift through all the books of my lifetime in a few seconds.

I haven't actually started it though because all the names I currently want are taken by people who created their blog just to write one liners. How irritating. I wanted "being Jane", but that was already taken. Any suggestions?

rock and a hard place

I hate proving people right, but alas, I have been slow on updating my pictures from Vietnam. Yes, you called it, and I'll try to do better. This was taken at Vịnh Hạ Long, which was where most of you got your postcards from. The bay, which consists of thousands of limestone karsts and islets, was very pretty and we took a boat out on an overcast day. The city itself is laidback and not nearly as busy as other tourist spots.

the bougainvillae series

Taken in Cam Ly.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

rinse, repeat

Taken at a tourist park in Madagui, Vietnam this past March.

Last Tuesday, I went to lunch at the Barn (an eatery at UCR) with Gerardo and Amy from lab. I ordered the special and well, got food poisoning. It was pleasant. Then just yesterday, I went again to the Barn, this time with Kevin, Everlinda and Jonathan. The Commons had a flood over the weekend, leaving us with only the Barn to eat at unless we wanted to go off campus. On our way there, Jonathan asked why I would go back there after last Tuesday and I responded with the first thing that came to mind: I'm not really smart in that way.

And well, I'm not. With just food alone, I've gotten sick countless times after eating buffalo wings. My stomach does not like greasy foods very much and while I may avoid getting the buffalo wings at a particular place *ahem, UCLA dining halls* I would still get them somewhere else because well, I like them. A lot. I thought about this habit, wondering if I've somehow survived against the natural selection plan. After all, doing the same thing and expecting different results is the clinical definition of insanity, but I realized I'm not really doing the same thing. I learn to fix the details, but I still cling to the goal. In matters of love, I've gotten my heart broken several times over, but I still go looking for it. I just go about it a little differently each time. Maybe there's something to be said for persistence against all the possible hurts and failures, past previous disappointments. After all, why always opt for something new when there's the option of fixing what you've got?

starting over

Taken today at Sea World where everything squishy. Happy Easter everyone :)

sailing

Taken in Ha Noi outside a temple where we had some really greasy food. I also met two very bougy women. When the day is this foggy, you generally should not wear sunglasses at lunch. The scene would've been funnier if I had someone to laugh with.

"But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It's there, somewhere behind you, and you could go back and make sure of it. But why should you?" -- Bernard Schlink, The Reader

I know books shouldn't be italicized but underlining always feels so heavy. I'm currently reading that book and while he doesn't have the same poetry as Richard Yates, his words are very precise despite their simplicity. In reading of the affair, you feel the urgency and helplessness. The narrator says he holds onto mental pictures - her putting on her stockings, her holding the towel, her standing in the study, always her - that he pulls out from time to time and plays on a projector. It's the idea that some moments are sacred, are timeless, that they keep you warmer than all the sun's rays and that I think is beautiful.

islands

Taken again at the Flower Park in Da Lat, Vietnam. I know this framing is familiar to the photograph taken at the Huntington Gardens, but this picture is more special because the two people sitting are my parents.

Why do we say things we don't mean? Why do we push people away when really we wish they'd never leave? Why can't we just say what we mean and call it a day? Is it rage blackouts? Maybe, though unlikely. Are we just masochistic beings? Maybe, to a degree. No, I've decided it comes down to the games we play, sometimes with others, mostly with ourselves and all we can do is make up the rules as we go.

you see LA

Taken atop a waterfall we stopped at on the way to Da Lat. I've already forgotten the name of the place but will update it when I remember.

I looked for you from the sky, like I always do,
And though the seconds slide by and pile,
I never learn.
I always return.
The memories of your nights,
The secrets of your walls,
Hold me steadfast in the past
And I'm just realizing that I can't.
The bustling boulevards, your sandy shores
Please keep my past, mistakes and laughs,
I close your door, no more.

moto moto?

So while on tour of Da Lat, our tour guide brought us to this performance by the natives of Vietnam one night. They're the people who were originally there before the rest of us moved in. While I appreciated the education experience, it was expensive and not so worth it. Our VNLC fan dance was better coordinated, but there was a bonfire and some booze.

houses

Taken outside my window of the same hotel, Mai Vàng in Đà Lạt. As you see, houses are built upwards and this is true everywhere in the country.

homecoming

Taken again at Đà Lạt from my hotel room. At the time, I liked the idea of a narcissistic flower, but interpret as you will.

Everyone has asked me how my trip was, and every time I reply that it was good because the truth would be too long and complicated. I got to see my family and it was great, but as for my country, I'm not altogether sure. The fields are still there, the grooves, the heat, and as most of you have heard, the mosquitos greeted me quite nicely too. But now the vespas have made room for too many cars. The girls are running around in jeans (with rhinestones!) and the boys sport American Eagle polos. Hands grab mobile phones as lips form English phrases and I'm glad the country is growing in its Industrial Revolution, but the scenes were fake and it all felt ... insincere. I'm not sure how else to put it. Perhaps when two entities starkly contrast, they can coexist in your sphere, but when they begin to overlap, you're forced to compare and choose the better of the two. Perhaps not everything can be amalgamated. Before leaving, my dad corrected me in saying we're going to Vietnam, not coming home to it, that it stopped being our country, stopped being our home the day Saigon fell. And he's right, but no worries about me confusing loyalties. This last visit made me realize I have a new home now.

hello world

Taken at the Flower Park in Đà Lạt, Việt Nam this past March. My parents and I went on a tour of the city mainly to escape the heat of Sài Gòn.

I'm back! Vietnam was ... hot and much more Americanized this time around, but it was nice to see everyone again. I'm sorry I didn't send more postcards, but it was such a hassle each time. I'll be uploading pictures from the trip obviously, but I'll also email pictures to those who asked since apparently I upload them too slowly.

I got in around 6 p.m. yesterday, unpacked, caught up with everyone then slept from 12:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. today. And I'm still tired, it's amazing. Hopefully I will see most of you for sushi this week?

I'll save posts of the actual travels for another day. In other news, I have a shameful crush on Edward Cullen. His eyes were so magnetic that I kept grinning the entire time. I'm also in love with a Mercedes I saw at the airport as well as the man driving it. Ah, America. My trip was good, but it's great to be home.

mea culpa

Taken at Salt Lake City in September. The sign is carved by the Great Salt Lake in honor of the 2002 Winter Olympics.

I've just realized what an idiot I've been for the past two years, in addition to all the stupidity I'd committed before then. But I guess it's better late than never. Here's to waking up, righting wrongs, and taking back what's mine.

my everything

Taken at the Capital Building in Salt Lake City this past September. Something about the lighting makes me feel like I'm in a Harry Potter novel.

I am so very stressed at the moment and while I know that's not worth updating about it, I can't sleep so you'll have to bear with me. I've got so many things to think and do in the coming days, but I'm staying calm and handling it fairly well. Slowly I'm becoming more of my old self whom I've been trying to dig out for the past four years. It's pathetic; I know.

Loan invited me to join Twitter tonight, which I did, and Skot then laughed at my inability to keep up with the times. Yes, I'm becoming old and outdated in my ways and will probably not know how to turn on a computer in 5 years. Slowly but surely my dreams of being that hip, cool mom are slipping away, evident by my recent mishap with an iPhone that I will omit out of sheer embarrassment. It's funny how we once vowed never to be our parents and now involuntarily wag our fingers in the same manner or how we hated TAs for being so mean and hard sometimes and now make our students jump through the same hoops. But you know what - it's not so bad fitting the mold now and then. In fact, it's almost comforting.

Alas I'm off to bed for my very early morning tomorrow. Kevin and I are getting some people together for the GetAway this Friday so if you are around the area, swing by! 'Night lovelies.

liars in love

Bougainvillae grown in my backyard. I've always liked their texture, but I particularly like the ones in this shade, the jubilant, come-hither shade. The title of the post is again from a collection by Richard Yates who puts everything so poetically.

I recently put Michael Bublé into my Pandora and out came Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Dean Martin, Glenn Miller .. so my days in lab have been sweet. Today I'm writing and reading over the manuscript for my next paper. After a year of tediousness, the images are finally done and the movies are made so I'm ecstatic and would love to show you if anyone is interested in Nematology. In other news, I created a blog for food today: www.spooningspace.com, which I will hopefully remember to update. Its particulars are still subject to change because I don't love the title, but I always wanted to be a food critic so I went forth and seized. Something will come of it.

I've had the same two sentences and scenario playing in my mind for the last three years of something I want to write about, and I only just found an ending two days ago. It came to me just as I was getting ready for bed, and normally I would seize the moment but I've been busy and preoccupied lately so I hope the ardor doesn't fade. I have so much on my plate before I pack my bags for that plane. I've been adopting the Anne of Green Gables philosophy that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it, and if you think of it that way, it's like getting a chance to start over, everyday. I've decided to get out of my own way and take things as they come. Life will always have its bends and climbs, but I've got on my dancing shoes ..

dear dad

The Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C., Sept. 2006.

Dear Dad,

You are such an amazing person. As I listened to you talk tonight, I watched the gleam in your eyes and thought of that same gleam behind the camcorder at every award ceremony, front row and always my biggest fan. I watched your animated hands and thought of those same hands gripping our first real tea cup as you sipped coffee Saturday mornings, staring out of the apartment window. You were always hopeful, even when unemployed and hurting. You were always willing, even when tired and torn down. I hope you know how much I never want to let you down, how much I always want you to see your dreams in me because past wrinkling skin and falling hair, aging eyes and time passing by, I always see my hero in you and am still your biggest fan.

With love and happy birthday.

eleven kinds of loneliness

Just some rocks to fill the frame; I've always found them interesting - the different shapes and sizes, grooves and textures. We kick and toss them aside, but I can't help feeling the markings on each one and wondering what kinds of storms it's weathered. I want to mention the best guy in my life who has been my rock lately. Thank you for always being supportive and letting me run into your arms bewildered and tear-stained like the movies.

The title is from a collection of short stories that I just finished by Richard Yates. I picked it up out of curiosity because I really like the title but then read it through to partially wash out the emptiness in my stomach after reading Revolutionary Road. Talk about hopelessness.

blossom

Taken again in my backyard on the same morning as the last. I'm trying to get the images as crisp as the old camera so have some patience.

I'm excited for Valentine's this year. I was quadruple booked until I sat down and had to choose two. I also just got your very red bouquet this morning. Thank you, it's lovely..

A lot of people are up in arms about the date because it's such a "Hallmark Holiday". That may be, and I too dislike the overemphasis on couples and commercial aspects, but why be so bitter? It's a day for love and I think that's nice. We all could use a little more of it. Even if all you see on television are couples giving gifts, hug someone you care about. Do something nice. The usual argument is always "but why do I need a special holiday to remind me of it?" Sure, you should be loving everyday, but are you? Yeah I thought so. So just take the holiday to remind yourself of all the wonderful people in your life and have a happy Valentine's :)

lush

This was taken in my backyard in the morning after the rain had settled. I wanted to try out the macro functions on my camera, and I still have some kinks to work out so expect a lot more practice shots.

I've always loved the date February 12th. Something about the first couple weeks of February gives me warmth. I hope you all have a great day, especially since tomorrow's Friday the 13th :)

love

Taken at Lake Casitas in November 2008. I'm not a huge daisy fan except for these with a purple center. I wish I'd captured the color better.

For Steve, whom I saw yesterday (yay!), a list of my favorite words:

adore
artist
asphyxiation
caesura
cynosure
décolletage
disarming
epistle
euphemism
foibles
insomnia
lonely
lush
oeuvre
peccadilloes
periphrasis
quintessential
rain
superfluous
you
zephyr

rainy days

Taken at the same park with Monsieur Kevin. We had crossed over to the other side of the park right after I ran into Mr. Kriesel. I was ecstatic until I realized what an awkward conversation we were having. Turns out, while you are busy changing, so are other people. Go figure.

I wish I could find a Karnaugh map for love.

cherry lipstick

Taken at Fairmount Park in Riverside a couple weeks back just as the sun was setting. Kevin and I waited for the sunset to get pictures and entertained ourselves with a frisbee until then. Afterward we got some much needed sushi. 'Twas a wonderful evening :)

Some days I wish my life were a television show. My hair would always be shiny. The lighting would always be spot on. And every happy and sad moment would have just the right song playing in the background. I could see the moments where I was being stupid. I could pinpoint where it all went wrong. I could see how everyone else was hurting and fill in those lines we all scream under our breath. Every episode would have a theme and lesson to learn from and I would get snippets of what to expect the following week. People say half the fun in life is living it, and we have to claw in the dark for a while to really appreciate the light and I agree, but some days, I could do without all that "fun".

le mot juste

Taken on a road somewhere out of Montana in September 2008. If you've ever been to the state, you'd know that's the only road to look for. Everything literally shut down at the wee hour of 8pm.

Anna Karenina was one of those novels I always wanted to read, if only for the sake of reading them. In a 2007 poll of contemporary authors, Anna Karenina was cited as the best novel ever written, beating out Madame Bovary by Gustav Flaubert. Now being half way into the book, I wonder if those people polled ever even read the book because I just can't seem to sit down and plow through it. In fact, it's not very plowable at all. The chapters are very short and each new chapter picks up on a different situation in the book. Having never read Tolstoy, I can't compare this to any other work of his. I'd known Anna Karenina to be a conflicted heroine and every time I'd heard of her, I imagined a sad train ride away from life, but these choppy chapters make it difficult for me to even follow her story line let alone sympathize with her. I keep hoping the letdown is due in part to my inability to focus right now and maybe the second half of the very long book will prove me wrong, but right now the future does not look promising.

In my frustration though, I did switch to Richard Yates who is very pleasing to me at the moment. I'm reading Revolutionary Road and am amazed at how poignant his observations are. The characters are so real and alive that they encompass me wholely and sometimes I forget I am reading fiction. What's interesting is that this novel along with Anna Karenina and Madame Bovary, both of which separate it by centuries, is about the banalities of life. In each work, people are not ravished by hunger or wars or illnesses. In fact, they have almost nothing to complain about at all, but still they are unhappy and the relationships around them simply deteriorate. Sound familiar? I used to laugh at the melancholy disease, or disease of the spleen if you will, that persisted during the 18th century amongst aristocrats who were prone to fits of sadness and fainting. I thought, These pathetic yuppies have to create something to be sad about, but maybe we now are these yuppies and melancholy has persisted past the aristocracy. In truth, amidst all the things we should be thankful for, why do we always focus on the negative?

lift me up

Taken outside my house this past December.

If you're reading this, you're pretty special. I only sent invitations to a handful of people since I've decided to privatize my blog, at least for a while. Why, you ask? Because I've made the conscious decision to trim the fat from my life, both literally and figuratively. I plan to get back to top form in regards to my health and emotions. I let far too many things get me down. As far as people go, I'm cutting the rope. I'm finally convinced I can't hold everyone to the same standards. I have to learn to ladder my friends up, so to speak, expecting certain things from certain people depending on where they rank. I'm tired of the affectation, of always hoping for more, of being hurt and disappointed when people don't come through. No more.

saltwater room

Taken at Ventura Beach, California this past November. I feel badly for dissing the previous photo I uploaded since it makes me smile on closer inspection. I like the color contrast is this one. I took it because I wanted to capture what a nice day and beach it was, but more so because I was chasing the birds. The way they waddle makes me happy.

Older people are often wise. So are the fatally ill. And the answer as to why and how is time - not the passing of it per se but the realization that it does and will pass. These people realize they don't have much of it left and so they stop overanalyzing, stop agonizing and just enjoy the moment. Though I'm guilty of it too, I know the one thing everyone takes advantage of is time. Time spent dreaming, time spent with your loved ones, time being happy. I don't want to wait for cancer to come and make me realize how good I had it, and so from hereforth, I want to "live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life ... and not, when I came to die, discover I had not lived".

maelstrom

Taken on Lake Casitas as the sun was setting. I asked the ex for this last batch of photos because I remember taking some really good ones. I just opened them up and turns out, they weren't so brilliant, but I will post them nonetheless. This trip to Ojai was also anti-climactic and I wouldn't suggest the drive. It was small and folksy without the natural appeal, but I did get to stargaze.

The last few days have been irksome and have left me introverted. The same monster of my career has reared its ugly head as I sit home and await the decisions. I think I've been obsessing over trivial matters in order to run away from all the issues that needed dealing with. Therefore, I've been doing a lot of introspection about my actions and where they lead me. I promised myself I'd have a good year.

In other news, tomorrow is my labmate Jonathan's birthday, yay. He turns the big 25, not so yay. We all went out for mini-golf last night - me and the 7 boys in lab - and I beat them all. It was glorious, but I found they are sore losers. Men. *scoff*

sandstorm

Taken in New Haven, CT in October 2008. I saw another one in New York two years prior and it made me laugh as well. No standing, hah.

I'm in the process of backing up all my documents, notably my old xanga entries. I meant to just keep a record, a diary of sorts, but I'm now thinking of compiling them into some bigger work. I wonder if with some tweaks here and there, I could publish it. I've got a few different ideas for projects to do, but the main idea is I want to write more. Chris recently suggested I write a memoir, and after some thought, it's not a bad idea. We'll see what results in the coming months.

I had a very nice conversation with James last night, but it made me a little sad. Despite our efforts at sporadic phone calls, things just haven't been the same since I moved out of LA, and this is true for many of my friendships. I especially miss James and the early morning/late night adventures. Nowadays, there are no sushi binges, alcohol nights, impromptu coffee dates. I understand people move out, on and away, but I've been reminiscing lately about the days when everything was still black and white. You could still be anything when you grew up, friends were forever, and you had a clear rule about rights and wrongs in life. I never imagined things could ever get so gray. It's true that the more you learn, the less you know.

the quote

Taken on Tet 2008.

"Later on that day, I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous." -- Sex and the City

the new year

This picture was taken from the top of the stairs in the capital of Salt Lake City, Utah. Of course I couldn't capture the grandeur of the place so the picture has no real focus, but I like the feigned perspective you get from the top.

Okay so I think I've finally chosen my new year's resolutions. I know these are supposed to be decided on before the new year, but I wanted some time to choose mine:

1) To believe in myself (again) - I realize a lot of faults this past year came from self-doubt, and with life being so short, I just can't have any of that.

2) Write short stories - It's been a goal of mine for some time (the novel, that is), and I've made a few attempts, but I always felt like I was stealing from books I'd already read. It's only occurred to me a couple months ago to use people and experiences from my own life. Nothing borrowed about that.

3) Learn French - I've said this for the past couple months, but I've finally decided tonight over coffee with a friend. It's my new hobby to keep me preoccupied and working towards a goal.

4) Exercise - por supuesto. What are resolutions without this one?