for the past

Taken at Bu Ho in Ha Noi during my trip to Viet Nam. I wanted to write a separate post as homage to today's date, the 30th of April. 34 years ago on this day, the Viet Nam War ended and our country turned red. I know it's a bit odd to upload a photo not only from the North but from the place in the North, but I wanted to make a point that regardless of what the North does from here on out and how pretty the scenery may be, that I remember the past. It's a concept that pervades some other aspects of my life now. We all want to forgive people and it's divine that we do, but in some matters, all actions for atonement are forever useless. Far, far too much has happened.

the complex

Taken at a temple in Da Lat, Viet Nam. I stayed home today because I was feeling sickly, not the flu sickly, just sickly and I didn't want to alarm my labmates. We've been keeping up with the daily updates on the swine flu, and I can't wrap my head around it all sometimes. Nothing like a pandemic to help a recession. As Tandre says, "it's a good time to be alive".

deflated

Taken inside the caves off Long Ha Bay.

Today I had an idea for my second blog. I'm going to scrap the food one because the name didn't feel right and my heart just wasn't in the idea. I'd still love to be a food critic if I could, but I don't really want to spend all the cash just to blog about where I eat. So instead I will review ... books. I read them all the time anyway, I'd like to share my opinions with someone, and this way I can just refer people to a URL each time they ask what I recommend. I like to make suggestions that I know the other person will really like, but that takes some time and it's hard to sift through all the books of my lifetime in a few seconds.

I haven't actually started it though because all the names I currently want are taken by people who created their blog just to write one liners. How irritating. I wanted "being Jane", but that was already taken. Any suggestions?

rock and a hard place

I hate proving people right, but alas, I have been slow on updating my pictures from Vietnam. Yes, you called it, and I'll try to do better. This was taken at Vịnh Hạ Long, which was where most of you got your postcards from. The bay, which consists of thousands of limestone karsts and islets, was very pretty and we took a boat out on an overcast day. The city itself is laidback and not nearly as busy as other tourist spots.

the bougainvillae series

Taken in Cam Ly.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

rinse, repeat

Taken at a tourist park in Madagui, Vietnam this past March.

Last Tuesday, I went to lunch at the Barn (an eatery at UCR) with Gerardo and Amy from lab. I ordered the special and well, got food poisoning. It was pleasant. Then just yesterday, I went again to the Barn, this time with Kevin, Everlinda and Jonathan. The Commons had a flood over the weekend, leaving us with only the Barn to eat at unless we wanted to go off campus. On our way there, Jonathan asked why I would go back there after last Tuesday and I responded with the first thing that came to mind: I'm not really smart in that way.

And well, I'm not. With just food alone, I've gotten sick countless times after eating buffalo wings. My stomach does not like greasy foods very much and while I may avoid getting the buffalo wings at a particular place *ahem, UCLA dining halls* I would still get them somewhere else because well, I like them. A lot. I thought about this habit, wondering if I've somehow survived against the natural selection plan. After all, doing the same thing and expecting different results is the clinical definition of insanity, but I realized I'm not really doing the same thing. I learn to fix the details, but I still cling to the goal. In matters of love, I've gotten my heart broken several times over, but I still go looking for it. I just go about it a little differently each time. Maybe there's something to be said for persistence against all the possible hurts and failures, past previous disappointments. After all, why always opt for something new when there's the option of fixing what you've got?

starting over

Taken today at Sea World where everything squishy. Happy Easter everyone :)

sailing

Taken in Ha Noi outside a temple where we had some really greasy food. I also met two very bougy women. When the day is this foggy, you generally should not wear sunglasses at lunch. The scene would've been funnier if I had someone to laugh with.

"But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It's there, somewhere behind you, and you could go back and make sure of it. But why should you?" -- Bernard Schlink, The Reader

I know books shouldn't be italicized but underlining always feels so heavy. I'm currently reading that book and while he doesn't have the same poetry as Richard Yates, his words are very precise despite their simplicity. In reading of the affair, you feel the urgency and helplessness. The narrator says he holds onto mental pictures - her putting on her stockings, her holding the towel, her standing in the study, always her - that he pulls out from time to time and plays on a projector. It's the idea that some moments are sacred, are timeless, that they keep you warmer than all the sun's rays and that I think is beautiful.

islands

Taken again at the Flower Park in Da Lat, Vietnam. I know this framing is familiar to the photograph taken at the Huntington Gardens, but this picture is more special because the two people sitting are my parents.

Why do we say things we don't mean? Why do we push people away when really we wish they'd never leave? Why can't we just say what we mean and call it a day? Is it rage blackouts? Maybe, though unlikely. Are we just masochistic beings? Maybe, to a degree. No, I've decided it comes down to the games we play, sometimes with others, mostly with ourselves and all we can do is make up the rules as we go.

you see LA

Taken atop a waterfall we stopped at on the way to Da Lat. I've already forgotten the name of the place but will update it when I remember.

I looked for you from the sky, like I always do,
And though the seconds slide by and pile,
I never learn.
I always return.
The memories of your nights,
The secrets of your walls,
Hold me steadfast in the past
And I'm just realizing that I can't.
The bustling boulevards, your sandy shores
Please keep my past, mistakes and laughs,
I close your door, no more.

moto moto?

So while on tour of Da Lat, our tour guide brought us to this performance by the natives of Vietnam one night. They're the people who were originally there before the rest of us moved in. While I appreciated the education experience, it was expensive and not so worth it. Our VNLC fan dance was better coordinated, but there was a bonfire and some booze.

houses

Taken outside my window of the same hotel, Mai Vàng in Đà Lạt. As you see, houses are built upwards and this is true everywhere in the country.