This was taken by Loan at the Santa Monica Pier in 2003 during her trip to California. I like the helicopter and diffused glow of the sun. It may be the best beach/sunset photo I've seen. I miss you!
I lost my heart
I buried it too deep
Under the iron sea
oh crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all
Tell me life is beautiful
A happy new year to all of you :) May the new year be filled not with these old mistakes.
Indeed what is Christmas without poinsettias? This was taken today.
I have spent part of my year working to correct past mistakes and most of the year fretting about those same mistakes. If you know me at all, you'd know I've been haunted by the skeletons in my closet. But who has set them free? And who let them gnaw at me so? The answer to both is 'me'. Just as I drove myself off the course in the past, I am hindering my own retribution in the present with my worries, anguish and insecurities. It's taken me a whole year to see this clearly, at the price of some sleepless nights, missed exam points and people I love, but I digress ... Now that it's Christmas, I think of how much I missed out on.
I have deleted the second half of this post because it focused on some memories from the past, and though I cherish them, I'd like very much to move on. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I hope you all see the good things and people in your life. A very merry Christmas everyone!
This photo has no particular significance; I just thought the ceiling was cool. Taken in October 2007 at the airport in Atlanta, Georgia.
I went to the optometrist today to buy some new frames, and I got an eye exam for free. Turns out, according to said optometrist, I have gone up .5 to 2.75 in the past year. That's an awful big jump in a year. That's also a lot closer to 3.00, which stands as the gateway between bad vision and just plain crappy vision. I became furious because I'd been at 2.25 for so long and the idea of deteriorating eyesight completely overwhelms me. I remember first realizing during my sophomore year of high school that I could no longer see the board from where I sat. I saw where the scribbles lay but as to what they were, I just had no clue and this made me indescribably angry. I almost cried when I couldn't repeat the small letters on the eye chart. Perhaps this is an extreme reaction, but having to rely on something to get by makes me feel utterly useless. I am not accepting this exam without a fight and am getting a second opinion this week. Maybe I can then learn how to improve my vision and win this battle, despite having lost the war.
Taken at the Getty Museum in beautiful Los Angeles in April 2008.
I just got back from a farewell party for my lab mate. Toward the end all I could think about was my work and personal problems. I got quiet and forgot to live in the moment. And now I smell like the bonfire.
I talked with a sage and loquacious soul in L.A. last night. We discussed how we both tend to live in the past. We reminisce about the good days, try to go back to them, and are convinced that nothing will ever be as good again. We had emotionally traumatic experiences and for one reason or other, can't seem to move forward fully. What to do? I know moving on is a mentality, not an event you wait around for. I currently botch up my future because I try to recreate the past. I beat myself up over my exam because every day I tried to remember how I used to study, how confidently I went about things, instead of just focusing on the task. At some point you have to forgive yourself, but right now I'm so screwed up.
Taken around 6am in South Dakota somewhere in September 2008. I had woken up early for coffee on the porch after a night of steak and slots with the parents. I lost $5 and stopped because I do not have gambling blood.I love that December is here but hate that I find myself still bogged down with these applications that I can't seem to get untangled from. Some days I feel I'm fighting a battle in a losing war, and I want to give in, to find solace somewhere far away, but I know I would never forgive myself. I've already run away once. Picking and choosing your battles is a fickle business, and I hope to get better at it in the coming year.
Taken on Midvale Ave. while waiting for the shuttle to UCLA. Behind is of course the Wilshire Building and Sister Café, which sucks by the way. I know some non-Californians who have a rather weak spot for palm trees just because they are the epitome of California. I myself have never really thought much of them, but now and then they make me smile. Ah, California indeed ...
Taken at the capital of Washington, D.C. in late September 2006. I'm putting up my own unimpressive capture to commemorate the fog that came and went so quickly. Though I was ill-equipped for the cold on the first day, I'm sad the sun is back out and beaming.
Taken by either Suvir or myself, I can't remember which, at Lake Casitas in late November. We had a very relaxing time in Ojai, complete with hiking and kayaking. I had the tan to prove it.
This was taken by Loan at the Santa Monica Pier in 2003 during her trip to California. I like the helicopter and diffused glow of the sun. It may be the best beach/sunset photo I've seen. I miss you!
Indeed what is Christmas without poinsettias? This was taken today.
This photo has no particular significance; I just thought the ceiling was cool. Taken in October 2007 at the airport in Atlanta, Georgia.
Taken at the Getty Museum in beautiful Los Angeles in April 2008.
Taken around 6am in South Dakota somewhere in September 2008. I had woken up early for coffee on the porch after a night of steak and slots with the parents. I lost $5 and stopped because I do not have gambling blood.
Taken on Midvale Ave. while waiting for the shuttle to UCLA. Behind is of course the Wilshire Building and Sister Café, which sucks by the way. I know some non-Californians who have a rather weak spot for palm trees just because they are the epitome of California. I myself have never really thought much of them, but now and then they make me smile. Ah, California indeed ...
Taken at the capital of Washington, D.C. in late September 2006. I'm putting up my own unimpressive capture to commemorate the fog that came and went so quickly. Though I was ill-equipped for the cold on the first day, I'm sad the sun is back out and beaming.
Taken by either Suvir or myself, I can't remember which, at Lake Casitas in late November. We had a very relaxing time in Ojai, complete with hiking and kayaking. I had the tan to prove it.
